I really wish I could stop posting about this crap...

Have you ever been mugged? Where you in the awkward situation of presenting your assailant with your iPhone instead of your pepper spray can? Well guess what? That will never happen again thanks to the new pepper spray iPhone case.

I swear to god sometimes the comedy starts just align in perfect order. This case, designed by the head of Spraytech as a means to find a protection device for his daughter, is a real thing. Now, I’m going to drop a personal security bomb on y’all. I have a good friend who worked in law enforcement for years and he gave me the straight about personal security stuff. First is your assailant (most likely a mugger) armed with a gun? If so give up your money without any fuss because a bullet moves a fuck load faster than pepper spray. Okay if not then pepper spray is not a very good means of self defense. What if it’s windy? Now you’ve made your attackers job that much easier as your wondering how it is possible to experience that much pain in her face. Stun guns are ever worse in case the assailant is has on thick clothing. In which case that thing is better used as a toy pistol than anything else. His umber one suggestion: collapsible baton. It’s extremely light weight and getting smashed in the face with a carbon fiber stick hurts like unholy hell no mater how much clothing you’ve got on or how windy it is. Hitting someone right under there nose with just a fist is good enough to incapacitate them for long enough to GTFO, but use a stick designed for explicitly beating ass will do even better.

Yes, it has a diagram for use...

Sorry, got off on a weird tangent there…still valuable knowledge I suppose…but back to the dumbest defense tool invented. Am I the only one who sees how this will be immediately abused to make the most dipshit photos ever. Imagine (shouldn’t be too hard) some bro pulls out his p-phone (that’s short for pepper phone. Thought that one up myself, thank you very much) and tells his bros to pose. He then, as most dickhead bros are wont to do, pepper spray them and immediately snap a photo of the post-spray pain and crying. Which he will post to Facebook posthaste with the caption “LOLS PEPED”. And just like that a new meme is born for the internet…like planking or T.Bowing. This will be Peping and we’ll have Spraytech to thank for what has got to be one of the worst ideas in self defense since a rabid badger tied to a stick

Actually, this is a better idea